Sample Dialogue

 

A MEETS B

 SETTING:      It is midnight in an isolated

area.

 AT RISE:      Lights up slowly on a lone telephone

booth slightly up stage right.  The rest of the stage is barren.

Inside the booth, MR. B is gesticulating wildly.

                            B

I know, Miriam, but you told me to call you anytime!  Can’t you help me?!

(MR. B is probably, but not necessarily, in his early to mid-thirties.  HE is unkempt and unshaven, and wearing a simple white T-shirt with the letter “B” on it.

Now, MR. A, a man in his late-thirties, appears upstage right.  A is neatly groomed and clean-shaven.  HE is also wearing a white T-shirt, but with the letter “A” on it. 

B is completely absorbed in his telephone conversation and does not see A who sneaks up quietly on B and listens).

                        B (cont.)

…But what am I going to do?!…You don’t know!?…Then how am I ever going to know!?

(A raps on the telephone booth with a quarter.  B jumps).

                            B

CHRIST!…

(into telephone)

Can you believe this?  It’s midnight and there’s a guy who

wants to use the phone…

(HE signals to A)

You bet I’ll be careful.

          (whispers)

Call me back in ten minutes.  I’ll get rid of this guy.

…666-3489…Thanks.

(B hangs up and exits booth)

                            A

Sorry about that.

                            B

I was on a very urgent call, so make it quick.

(A is staring at the top of B’s head)

                            B

Yes?

                            A

Oh, nothing, nothing…

(A goes to make the call, but stops; HE puts his hand to his mouth and begins to giggle)

                            B

What!?

(A points at B’s head)

                            A

What’s that?

                            B

What’s what?

                            A

That?

                            B

Where?

                            A

There!  On top of your head.

                            B

(feeling head)

There’s nothing on my head.

                            A

Yes there is, look!

                            B

(feels head again)

No, there isn’t.

                            A

I just saw a little man sitting on your head.

                            B

Little man!?

(HE feels his head again)

Go on, make that call, will you?

                            A

Don’t you feel him?

                            B

Please.

                            A

I distinctly see a man sitting on your head.

                            B

(feels head again)

Are you sure you’re alright?

                            A

Be careful when you touch your head.  You might hurt him.

                            B

Look, there’s no one on my head.  Maybe we should find a doctor for your head.

                            A

Ah!  He’s gone!  Funny.  I must have imagined him.

                            B

Would you make that call?  Go on, make it quick.  You understand, I was having a-, you know, a kind of private conversation.

                            A

Wait a minute.  I just heard him.

                            B

Heard what?

                            A

SHHH!  Listen!  The voice!

                            B

What voice?

                            A

Yeeesss, that’s it!

(A suddenly jumps in the air and puts his hand over his mouth.  HE is pointing to the top of B’s head)

                            B

(going back to booth)

Look, Mister, I don’t want to be rude but you’re really encroaching upon my space.

                            A

(circling B)

There goes another cliché! 

                            B

A what?

                            A

Cliché.  C-L-I-C-H-E.  It’s French.

                            B

Yes, I know what it means.

                            A

So why do you do it?

                            B

Do what?

                            A

Use clichés.  But maybe that’s not really your voice?

                            B

What voice?

                            A

I think it’s his.  Just now, when I asked you a question, he would answer, but your mouth would jerk up and down like a puppet’s.

(B slowly tries to ease into the booth but A puts HIMSELF in the way.  A stares upward at the area over B’s head)

                        A (cont.)

Now he’s gone again.  Do you think he flew up there so we can’t see him?  Do you think he’s pulling the strings from way up there?

(A swings lightly at the space above B’s head and stops his hand suddenly.  B pulls out of the way.  A pursues him, each time stopping his hand to feel the air above B’s head)

                        A (cont.)

Ahah!  Ahaah!  The strings!

                            B

Get out of here!

(A just stares up at the area above B’s head)

                            A

Come on, little man, stop pulling the strings

up there, and come back down to squat.

                            B

Will you give me some space?!

                            A

          (A points at B’s head)

He’s slid down the strings!

                            B

You’re not well, are you?

                            A

I’ll show him to you.  You got a mirror? 

Have you got a pocket mirror?

                            B

You need to see a doctor.

                            A

I can see him.  Yes I can!

(B stares at A.  HE then pulls a business card from his pocket)

                            B

I don’t know what you want from me, but this is the number of an analyst I know.  Her name’s Miriam.  Go home, have a good night’s sleep and call her tomorrow.

                            A

(grabbing card from B)

What about tonight?  Is she good-looking?

                            B

No, you can’t call her now.  It’s too late.

(A makes his way over to the telephone)

                        B (cont.)

Hold it!  Where are you going?

                            A

That’s a very good idea.  I think I’ll call Miriam right now.

(pursuing A who walks round and round

the booth)

                            B

Give me that card.

                            A

I will not.

                            B

I was just trying to help you out.

                            A

Maybe you shouldn’t have.

(A sneaks back between B and the booth)

                   B

Oh no you won’t.

(B gets between A and booth)

                        B (cont.)

I’m expecting a call.

                            A

Who from?

(A gets between B and booth)

                            B

Never mind!  You’re not calling her.

(B runs around A)

                            A

Oh yes I am.

(A runs around B)

                            B

Oh no you’re not!

(B runs around A)

                            A

I’m calling the shrink.

                            B

Would you just go, please!

                            A

Where to?

B

(reaching for card)

Alright.  Then give me that card back.

                            A

(eluding HIM)

She get up early?

                            B

Give me that card back!

                            A

(waving card)

The doctor’s not at home!

                            B

I don’t have a doctor!

                            A

No?

                            B

No!

                            A

Then why are you so defensive?

                            B

Because it’s none of your goddamn business!

                            A

I was just asking a question.

                            B

I told you, you can call her in the morning.  But if you’re

                           B (cont.)

not going to do that, I want that card because you’re not calling her now.

(A pockets the card)

                   A

Eat bran, does she?

                            B

Please, allow me.

(B takes A’s arm and attempts to lead him off)

                            A

Does she eat raisin bran?!  Porridge?  Washes it down with

a lot of coffee I bet?  Eh?!  WASHES IT DOWN WITH A LOT OF COFFEE!?

(A suddenly starts prancing about with his fists under his T-shirt so that HE appears to have breasts)

                            B

Jesus!

(B runs back to the booth and begins to telephone)

                            A

Who the hell are you calling?

(A stretches his T-shirt even more)

                        A (cont.)

The wife?

                            B

You really want to know?

                            A

ARE YOU CALLING YOUR WIFE!?

                            B

I’m calling the police.

(A goes into the booth with B)

                            A

The police!?  No!  Not the police!  You’ve got it all wrong.

(A hangs up phone, puts arm around B, and gently leads HIM downstage from booth)

                        A (cont.)

We’re definitely not from the same school now, are we?

                            B

What was all that prancing about like a woman then?

                            A

Woman?  Which woman?  Where?

                            B

I don’t know!…How should I know?  You were the one imitating her.

                            A

Her?  Her what? 

                            B

That woman you were making fun of!

                      

                            A

I don’t make fun of anyone, Pal, even you. Especially you.  You’re seeing things!  You’re hallucinating, Pal!

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